Fear

Fear.

When you grow up hiding it

as a child you tell yourself you don't have it.

Close your eyes every night, thoughts race,

you don't remember those thoughts nor those memories

yet you feel the warmth roll down your face.

You smile, you laugh, you make others laugh with you,

they say the prettiest smiles hide the most pain.

I believe it to be true

I'm strong, you tell yourself.

Tuck your hair back as you glimpse back at yourself

yet there's something odd, you feel as though there's something.

I can be strong, you remind yourself.

Love with all you've got, strive to love endlessly.

Stare at the night lights, the stars imagine life without you,

deep down you know, scares you doesn't it?

scares you to close your eyes, find yourself

looking above, locking the world out or

were you locking yourself in?

Until one day you catch yourself

the glimpse of yourself through their eyes.

I'm not srong you admit, that was your fear.

I can be strong, you try to remind yourself.

It doesn't work.

I'm strong....LIES.

Whats happening, why isn't it working?

without saying anything you're said everything

You felt him knocking in the door one day,

you shut your eyes, the door knob rattles.

You close your ears, slowly you see the thin line of light widen.

what do you do now? where do you run?

You hear the footsteps stop in front of you

meet those eyes before you, shut your eyes,

open them, black skies and the lovely stars shine at you

shine down at you.

the city looks so beautiful from way up here,

you realize you've been running,

what's the time? you're in a field you can't recognize,

you just see the Portland lights from here

and smile how beautiful they are.

You hear your name calling, and you run,

run until you don't hear anything,

you don't see anything, pitch black

the grass, the warm spring night.

I'll not be weak, I'll do it.

For that instance, you realized for the first time

someone gazed at your life,

into your life through their eyes into yours,

and they saw it all.

Tears start running down your face,

run, you start running,

warm wind blowing your hair back,

you biggest fear had looked right at you.

Gazed into you

and you had no where to hide anymore.